How I’m Feeling….
im just tired of everything
i feel like my ‘family’ is falling apart more and more everyday
im failing like more than half my classes but then again what does it matter? its like even if i did try id still fail but id be making a fool of myself
i hate everything about myself everyday im so insecure especially now that aria broke up with me i feel im getting uglier and uglier everyday so i wear make up…like everyday..i never used to do that my cuts are getting deeper and deeper im doing more and more sooner or later cutting just isnt gonna be enough. i hate school i feel like every were i go people stare and in their mind theyre just judging my every little move
but then when i think about me and my perspective on life i feel crazy..like im the only one who feels like this so i feel even more and more alone
everday
so its like i dont know what to do and im being more distant with everyone but i cant really do anything about that
its not like im choosing to be like this..its not like i dont want to be happy. i do . trust me id love to be one of those pretty perfect girls whose happiness is legit unlike mine
everythings fake but i just have to hide everything about myself because im so scared of geting hurt and im tired of it. and everyday i question why im alive
like what is my purpose..its not like im doing anyone a favor by being here
and this is he first time in a long time that ive opened up to someone because when i open up to people i get scared….they hear my stories and shit and they leave so i push people away but then again i dont know what else to do..
like everyone is busy with stuff in their lives and with me im just sitting there…observing. im just confused..and its not that i want to end my life of anything i jsut dont want to be in pain with life anyone…nothing ever seems to be going right and the second i think things are getting better like the SECOND
something starts going good everything just …falls apart and i end up worst than before…. and i hate it because i feel lost…i dont know what to do where to turn and i ust want to cry but i cant because if people see me crying i feel stupid and weak so i dont do it and its like i hate it i hate everything. and sometimes i jsut my time to think it over at least thats what i think i need but then after i have a few minutes with my thoughts i cry and i just have stronger feelings about my life and what i should do with it…. i dont even want to be here…like honestly…i hate it. so much. and i know there are people with worst situations and im complaining a lot which is why i dont open up..because i feel like im bugging them. And im trying to stay strong..i really am, but i dont know how much longer i can do this.
